375 painfully overdone slow-motion sequences!
68 bullets shot from a gun that actually bend around a target (more on that later)
45 direct punches to the face!
38 close up shots of bullets going through the heads of victims (slow motion of course!)
36 massive and unnecesarry explosions!
6 bullets shot through a dead man's head at other victims!
2 well respected actors (Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman) collecting huge paychecks!
1 completely ridiculous movie!
Note: the above statistics are likely completely wrong but also sort of correct.
Wanted--the new Angelina Jolie action shoot-em-up movie starts with a man on the top floor of a skyscraper who starts running really fast, breaks through the window with his face, soars about forty feet directly ahead (no momentum lost here!), shoots four people directly in the face while still soaring through the air in ultra slow motion, and safely lands on the roof of the building next door. Hey, he had some snipers that he had to kill?! The movies gets more ridiculous from there.
Stuff blows up (in slow-mo), people are shot brutally (in slow-mo), bullets fly through windows and people's faces (usually the forehead) also in slow-mo, cars are made to flip at will over buses (in slow-mo), wings of flies are shot of with more bullets (but just the wings!), etc. Oh and bullets bend. Yes, they bend when shot a certain way! Think what your arm motion would do if throwing a boomerang...now put a gun in your hand with the same motion...kablow! the bullet bends around an object and is able to hit a target dead on. No, you aren't born with this ability--it must be taught as evident by the Karate Kid or Rocky Balboa style montage where the main character finally learns this skill! The final test happens when Angelina Jolie's character stands in front of a target and commands him to perform the bullet-bending move. He doesn't want to at first but rage gets the best of him and...surprise! he is now a master at this skill! Good thing, too, because watching Angelina Jolie is the only thing going for Wanted.
You've been warned!
4 comments:
If you think Wanted was bad, you need to check out Shoot'em Up, starring Clive Owen. Now *that* is the definition of a baaad movie!
While it might not have Angelina Jolie, it does have the benefit of watching Clive Owen stumble his way through a script that includes "cutting" an umbilical cord with a gun, a parallel sex and SWAT fight scene with Monica Belluci and not least, multiple instances of carrots skewering eyeballs.
Of course, if you're drunk, this movie can lead to mass amounts of hilarity.
Hey, what's a good restaurant on the hill btw? I see you guys appear to be foodies, as I run a food review site :)
Hey Grant,
Bleu Bistro, Elysian and The Honeyhole are some of my favorite's on the hill
Here's our Capitol Hill tagged reviews:
http://drunkinseattle.blogspot.com/search/label/capitol%20hill
How ironic, Bleu and Elysian are the places I go already! Honeyhole I have not been to yet, so we'll have to add that to the places for review. Thanks!
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